OVER the years, I’ve written a few times about the importance of women, and particularly mothers who burn the candle at both ends, to take some time for themselves and not ignore their health.
Sonya Fladun.
Although it’s easy to talk in terms of stereotypes, Aussie blokes aren’t very good with this stuff. By and large they don’t tend to talk about health problems, physical or mental, unless of course it’s some type of sporting injury, then they talk about nothing else, parading their wounds as badges of honour.
I know this from personal experience because, at least in this respect, my spouse is nothing if not a classic Aussie male. He’s always calm, always composed and rarely gives away any indication of whatever worries and troubles he might have. He’s great at talking about all sorts of things – politics, the weather, our kids, friends, obscure facts about history and science – all sorts of things but never himself.
In recent times he’s encountered more than a few difficulties and frustrations, but even then, in what is a pretty tough phase of life, he doesn’t give away much.
He’s hugely resilient, but by and large he bottles everything up. He’s very much a member of the stiff-upper-lip brigade. What doesn’t kill you makes you strong is one of his more hackneyed catchphrases.
That’s not to say my bloke doesn’t find some outlets to relieve stress and achieve a peace of mind. He’s a bit of a scholar and burying himself in historical research and writing is one peculiar form of relaxation.
No one can bother me at the National Archives, he says with a wry grin on his face. Another source of relaxation is the companionship of our adoring cocker spaniel who follows his every move with rapt attention and is always ready for a smooch.
I don’t underestimate the power of pooch therapy when things are stressful. But sometimes telling the dog about how stuffed up things are isn’t going to the yield much more benefit than a sympathetic lick.
As for me, I’m always talking about things. I’m a great believer in trying to talk things through, rather than toughing them out. But my bloke is just that, a typical bloke who would run a million miles before admitting any weakness or internal trouble. Although he agrees our family doctor is absolutely wonderful, he’s happy for everyone else in our family to pay her a visit, just not him.
I don’t think my bloke’s unique – beyondblue says that, on average, one in eight men will have depression and one in five will experience anxiety at some stage of their lives.
While women are more likely to experience depression and anxiety, men are much less likely to talk about it and that increases the risk of their depression or anxiety going unrecognised and untreated.
In the case of my spouse, I’m telling him to grab the bull by the horns. I know he reads this column. Quite a few other blokes also read “CityNews”, so maybe they should have a think, too.
And maybe us girls should be a bit more proactive in gently encouraging spouses and partners to be more open in talking about health issues, physical or mental. You can probably be a bit more subtle than me, but sometimes you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.
beyondblue’s Man Therapy website is a good place to look – mantherapy.org.au
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